This was hilarious. The subject of the forum was basically about a girl whose friend doesn't really know anything about witchcraft or any of the spiritual aspects of Pagan religions, but wants to jump right in and start doing spells. The girl wants her to chill out and realize that it's not all about spells and silly stuff, and that it's really serious business. Another poster supplied this "spell" for her to have her friend try since she's so hot to do spellwork.
A fellow covener, Wisteria, has this amazing spell for giving to impatient wannabe spell-casters, or spell beggers. Sense of humour required - although you do have to give it to them seriously. It's a "love spell", so you know you'll catch someone somday...
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1. Hold a live toad in your mouth for the three days leading up to the full moon. No talking, no eating, and DO NOT damage the toad.
2. Prepare a Love Ointment of aloe vera, paprika, Bag Balm, vanilla soy milk and Essence of Weasel In Rut. Mix it in a blue jar. It MUST be blue, robin's egg blue, preferably.
3. On the night of the full moon, strip naked and roll in the dew on the lawn of any guy named Murray, unless his address has the number 4 in it. If it does, just soak your head in his birdbath. Anoint yourself with your Love Ointment at this point, making sure to get a double coat on your butt.
4. Go to your would-be beloved's house, fire up a portable Hibachi, and grill the following ingredients: lavender, Faygo Creme Soda (it absolutely MUST be Faygo, and not diet, either), extra virgin olive oil, and a crumbled strawberry Pop Tart. Wave your arms wildly and waft the smoky vapors of love through a south-facing window of the house.
5. Climb through the window (break in if you have to - after all, it's for love!), and immediately iron the draperies, rearrange the furniture, and set the clock on the VCR to reflect any time zone in Russia. Dance wildly to the beat of the wailing smoke alarm.
6. As your beloved enters the living room to investigate the commotion, fling your wet, naked, ointment-covered self into his/her arms. Disregard any baseball bat/pepper spray/shotgun/restraining order he or she might be holding, and sing of your love at the top of your lungs in Portuguese. Vive l'amour!
-- Edited by Rev Dragons Blade at 04:53, 2005-11-03
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All opinions stated in my posts are just that...my opinions...and should not be held in any way as the opinions of the CEPF Board of Directors or of anyone other than myself. - Rev. Heidi Andrews VP CEPF
