A Comparison Of Late 20th Century Religious Theory
Capitalism He who dies with the most toys wins. Hare Krishna He who plays with the most toys wins. Catholicism He who denies himself the most toys wins. Anglican They were our toys first. Greek Orthodox No, they were OURS first. Polytheism There are many toy makers. Evolutionism The toys made themselves. Baptist Once played, always played. Church of Christ Scientist We are the toys. Communism Everyone gets the same number of toys and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling ours. Baha’i All toys are just fine with us. Amish Toys with batteries are surely a sin. Taoism The doll is as important as the dump truck. Hedonism To heck with the rulebook. Let’s play! Hinduism He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals loses. 7th Day Adventist He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses. Church of Christ He whose toys make music loses. Calvinist Once played, always played. Jehovah’s Witnesses He who sells the most toys door-to-door wins. Pentecostalism He whose toys can talk wins. Existentialism Toys are a figment of your imagination. Confucianism Once a toy is dipped in the water it is no longer dry. Non-denominationalism We don’t care where the toys came from, let’s just play with them. Atheism There is no toy maker. Agnosticism It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference. Mormonism Every boy can have as many toys as he wants. Voodoo Let me borrow that doll for a second. Apathy Toys? Why do I need toys? Judaism I’m selling toys. You buying? Church of Scientology Toys ‘R’ Us. UU We respect each toy's right to play with itself.
-- Edited by Rev Dragons Blade at 20:54, 2005-04-22
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