I Became a Demon Play Thing - I was raped, defiled, and deceived by demons, repeatedly
I am writing this to save my sisters and brothers from the evil that almost devoured me and it is not at all easy for me. I would rather forget all of this, truly. But I cant let what happened to me happen to you.
The demons who are lying to you will grow very angry at the following - I remember the feeling when I saw similar information, and interpreted it as my own reaction. I beg you to read it objectively. Do not let your emotions stop you reading this. It isnt you who is angry. I love you.
I was so happy when I read about the craft. I loved nature and felt its energy humming all around me, calling to me. My heart was pure but I longed for the power I could feel around me. I was so disappointed with the way the world was and wanted to be able to change its laws. I told myself it was for good. I told myself I was a white witch. And I really could do things. I could feel everyones emotions, I had prophetic dreams that came true, I could see auras, had two incidences of real loud and clear telepathy, my spirit guides would tell me things and they would happen - they used this to lead me into situations, I could shift peoples negative energy back to them so I wasnt affected and I saw it work. I thought I was a natural witch. I later thought I was eclectic/lightworker/spiritual/unique.
My spirit guides kept me company, never judged me, and only ever encouraged me. I thought they were nature spirits or ****igned to me from birth. Sometimes Id hear my conscience and believe it to be my spirit guides so thought that all they wanted was for me to grow spiritually. They convinced me that light couldnt exist without dark and there was supposed to be a balance. They convinced me of absolutely anything, even though it contradicted sometimes, just to get me to continue to do things which were hurting me. Of course I didnt realise this and when I did start to doubt I would have some other kind of event that made me think that they were helping me by giving me what I wanted - but only very barely, and it was definitely not helping me.
I was really actually just very lonely since I was a child. I felt like an outsider, like I didnt belong here, like I stood out a mile, and believed that true love, my soul mate, would fix this - he would be like me. I used my spirit guides to help me find him. They lead me to many, many, different men. They were all horrific but I didnt realise this at the time because every relationship I ever had was abusive - I thought it was normal.
They would make me do things I didnt want to in bed. They would break my things, hurt me, humiliate me, and make me submit to them. Break me down consistently. I always listened to the counsel of my spirit guides who would tell me lies about how my pride and my anger created this energy - I blamed myself each time and believed if I just got it right the next one would be him. This was all just to get ready for him. Everyone else had lots of sexual partners - it seemed normal. The men got worse. The all wanted to destroy my life, ultimately destroy me, but I had started to become accustomed to this and was primed for abuse and so I was only attracted to these men. I would even pick up their desire to destroy me because I was so sensitive and would be persuaded by my spirit guides that it was them and the world had hurt them so I would take it upon myself to try and save them. It never worked and eventually I would have to crawl away - Id spend a month in bed after each break up, completely drained and broken, unable to work and had to move back in with my mum.
I would have spells of ignoring my guides, destroying my tarot cards or whatever divination I was using, because I could see that the spirit guides had lead me to these men and those horrible experiences, but I always fell back in with them - blaming myself, again and again. They were so manipulative - and I was so lonely.
Once I was laying in bed after having sex with this one guy who was supposed to be great father material (my mum was pressuring me to have children) and I thought I would have a look at was was inside him. The eyes really are the windows to the soulI peered in, focusing like I would if I was checking his aura and a weird black smoke swirled out from behind his iris and filled his entire eye. I did it three times the whole time pretending to be lovingly looking into his eyes. The third time I looked deep into him and his eyes filled with black I just laid there and looked at him. The black didnt dissipate anymore. I could just see his totally black eyes.
I was terrified, his smile with those eyes were the most sinister thing Ive ever seen but I knew I had to control my emotions and continue to look like I had fallen in love with him and tried not to be afraid, I started to think, maybe hes an alien or something and I shouldnt judge him, this could still work (wince) and then I heard him say in his mind Gotcha. This infuriated me as I realised mostly that I was being taken for a ride (wince) and I made it very clear that I could see his black black eyes and lifted my head from the pillow and started making a real show of peering into his eyes like I was looking into a big hole. He looked totally freaked out by this. His face pulled a surprised almost fearful expression, mouth wide open he looked behind himself and wouldnt look back at me for about 6-8 seconds. I asked if he was ok and he looked back - hazel eyed and I think he wanted to have sex again but I said I was tired and didnt touch him as I went to sleep.
That ones a story in itself. I broke it off. Had to block him as he har****ed me. He even started shouting at me in the street once, furious, shouting, Come for a drink with me so much that he nearly got run over. The important thing is, I saw what was going on but didnt realise for another few years.
I was single for a year after that. Then met the one who helped me to get saved. This is already long so - to the point, it was the same story, abuse, horrible sexual experiences, this time violent, I tried to make it work and talk it out, hed pretend to listen, say great things but continue to abuse me. I nearly got destroyed that time - we moved in together - it was bad. So when I went to the GP and was diagnosed with PTSD from my boyfriend who never raised his voice, or swore, but would hurt me in bed (he was great at those grey areas) and he had moved out thinking I was finished off, I lay there drenched in tears, completely totalled, I mean, rock bottom broken, defiled, destroyed, and too scared to talk to my spirit guides because I knew now there was something seriously off going on here. The GP had told me about sociopaths/narcissists and I did some research. I realised that all the men the spirit guides had lead me to were dead inside. They were perfect vessels for demons. Because spiritually they were dead. There was even like a familiarity with all the men, like it was the same demon that was after me. I know this sounds crazy but you have to believe me. Im not saying this for fun. Id rather forget it, honestly. You have no idea the torment they put me through.
So I realised that if demons existed there had to be some good out there too. And not trusting anything outside myself or of the world anymore I dug deep, real deep and I focused my energy on my heart, and I searched in there and I called to whatever good there was in existence to help me. And I felt something I had never felt before. It wasnt a fake euphoria like my spirit guides had given me. It was raw. It was truth. Non-judgemental sympathy and truth. Like a Fatherly love. I asked who it was and heard the word Jesus. I cried like I have never cried before when I realised that it was all true. Jesus was real?! I realised finally that I had been raped by sociopaths (demon meat-suits), repeatedly, which are the dead who walk the earth because they have died the spiritual death, which comes from the sin of rejecting Jesus Christ.
Now lets not get all upset about the word sin please. It only means to miss the mark. Some sins lead to death, some dont. I still sin. We arent perfect, were human. But we have the bible to help us to get out of here alive so dont panic. Jesus was always there for me but I was so buried in sin I couldnt find Him. Also, I get that there is a bit of an anti-feminine vibe to the bible but put your pride aside sisters - God made us in His image: male and female. Its the arrogance of human beings that lead to this problem - and that arrogance is a killer. I get it, I have had heated debates with the Holy Spirit - for this Im not proud. Please listen. I am not proud, I am on my knees begging you to listen.
So I had a break down and got very upset about the fact that we live in a world of normalised sin and that I would have to change nearly everything about the way I lived. I think I knew this deep down but hadnt wanted to give up my sinful ways - sin is cosy. First I realised that I had to quit lusting - the rape by deceit helped with this, I felt revolting. So I stopped masturbating and spent 2 hours in the bath each night for a week. I also had to stop looking at every man I saw and thinking about whether I would want to have sex with him - admit it, thats how we decide if we want to be with someone- first we have to fancy them. That means we are driven by lust not love. I cant tell you how happy I was to get rid of that burning feeling in my pants. Looking back it was disgusting - I remember it felt good, but when its gone you realise how disgusting it is. It took some time but it made me cringe when I realised what that feeling was. Demons trying to turn me on. Now I see my brothers when I look at men, not possibilities.
Its been 2 months and Ive stopped dressing like Jezebel, smoking, drinking, and swearing - but slip up at times, Im trying. Each day I move towards getting better and leaving all the things behind me which made me prey to demons. Including Wicca/lightwork/spiritualism/eclecticism, whatever I told myself I was eventually. Which is why Im here.
I dont want to have a debate - Im not here for that. God compels me to save you from what I experienced and I want to save you from that too. You are being lied to. I urge you to go deep into the silence and truth of your heart and admit what you know to be true. Do it for the real, beautiful you. Stop building a false representation of yourselves, you are beautiful. Jesus loves you, and so do I.
